to read my blog update to my new website address!

read my blog
visit the wishstudio

hang out in the cafe discussion boards
find links in the inspiration lounge
sign op for a workshop
follow the necklace project
read the wishmamas series
and so much more!

http://mindysblog.wishstudio.com/

to day is moving day!

it's finally time! head on over to wishstudio.com
to visit the new studio and find the new home
of under a pink sky...

see you in the studio!

the (un)glamorous life

this is the scene yesterday from my studio. it's overflowing with my art goodies, wish*full retreat packages, things for the baby, and lots of lists, papers, and things to do. this is quite often how i spend my creative time... amidst the messiness and the excitement of everything swirling around me.

the new website is coming along. it's taking a bit longer than planned and i've decided to just let it go and have faith in the process. bringing this project to fruition feels similar to birthing a child into the world... you want to control every aspect, but you simply can't. you can only try for the best outcome, and then the universe takes over :)

it was unusually hot, summer-like weather which cast a hectic and strange spell on the day. the baby was off schedule, big brother was not quite himself, and bedtime came hours past due. it was a makeshift day from beginning to end, so we put together the pieces as we went. within the chaos we still found joy and somehow it all worked out.

yes. it will all work out.

evidence

yup. the easter bunny was here

and we followed his trail

at 6:45 am

and decided he must have had pancakes for breakfast

because his paws were covered in flour!

silly bunny :)

i think i can... i think i can...

it's been work, work, work for me here lately. luckily i love my work, but i'm starting to feel it a little as i try to keep all the balls in the air. i've been forgoing downtime to push through my to do list. it's like the last leg of the race... the hardest part. you know the finish line is right over this last hill, but it feels like a mountain.

i was once told i would move mountains. (whew) off i go!

a letter to my guardian art angel

postcard from katy {from suzanne's swap}

dear frida,

someone recently told me that you are my guardian art angel, since you literally have been showing up on my doorstep and in my life over and over these days... how blessed am i? so i am writing you this letter in hopes that you might help me whisper these words to the universe and humbly shine upon me a bit of your great inspiration and strength.

on the verge of some very big art dreams coming to life, all is very quiet and still today. while i am grateful for the calm as i busy with my work, small inklings of doubt and worry have settled into the cracks. do you know this feeling? i know it is the pangs of growing, and i know it means i am on the right path, but it is also a little unsettling too.

so i want to take a moment to send out to you and to this wide universe huge armloads of gratitude for all the blessing in my life. i want to sprinkle them across the sky like stars, because gratitude always quells the fear. i promise to always be grounded in this. to feel grace and have faith in it all, even when i'm afraid and unsure. because i also feel purpose and fire, and i am so grateful for that.

thank you for for your beautiful wisdom as i don my wings and prepare to take flight.

love (deep breaths) and gratitude, mindy

"feet, what do i need you for when i have wings to fly?"

~ frida kahlo

poetry museum :: ode to wings

my son was asked to bring something into school today from nature to add to a "poetry museum" that the kids are creating in class... a display of beautiful natural objects that will inspire them to wax poetic! i love this idea, and i love imagining all the lovely little treasures that made their way into the classroom, and in turn all the lovely little poems that will be crafted because of them.

he brought in a little stash of butterfly wings i had saved up in my studio. we collected them a few years back out in the bird sanctuary one afternoon while exploring. we learned that after the monarchs have hatched, the birds delightfully dine on them but leave behind the wings. little black and gold wings were strewn all around the ground, so i collected them like tiny treasures to use in my art. while some have found their way into paintings and others onto cards or other projects, i was happy to send along the last of these to inspire little budding poets.

seemed perfectly fitting (and poetic) to send my little boy in with wings!

photo credit, landscapedesigns.co.nz

things to share

* i signed my first autograph :) made me feel like a rock star even if it was for a sweet friend!

* the baby is almost signing (he's done it a few times!) and knows "more" and "eat" and "all done". what else do you need? big brother signed his first word around this age too, "milk" and came to know about 50 words by 18 months! once he started talking all bets were off, but it's so great to see his interest re-emerge for his little brother. it's incredible to be able to communitcate with tiny little people in this way. language and words fascinate me. i still sign "potty" and "please" and "thank you" and even "no" as silent reminders every now and then. works so well across a crowded room.

* i'm going to the inaugural creative connections event in minneapolis next fall to meet up with fabulous creative women, take inspiring art classes, and attend great panel discussions to help me grow my creative business. it's going to be a wonderful experience! i can't wait and totally think you should go too. i'd love to meet you there :)

* it's day 12 of my forray into veggiedom. it's been an interesting journey for sure (with a small cheat yesterday - a bite of my husbands reuben). i've got 5 days left, then i'll decide what changes i am going to stick with.

* hubby and big brother are off tomorrow on a weekend road trip to new york to visit some friends (and their yummy chocolate shop. my son has visions of willy wonka ;) so it will be just me and the baby hanging out here snuggling and work, work, working away. so much to do!

* i am putting together an interview for erin and kristin of the manic mommies podcast. it's going to be a fun spin on their show where they will be the guests, and i will be their guest host (how did i get so lucky?). i'm so excited to ask all the questions i've wanted to know over the past few years as a listener... how do they do it all? stay tuned. i'll have a portion of this interview in the wishstudio with a link to the actual podcast when it airs. check out real simple's blog, where they are contributors as well. see what i mean?

* this sweet little mention about the wishstudio, that made my heart swell :)

in my garden of motherhood and creativity

i have finally written and shared my wishmamas story over in the wishstudio. it has taken me a long time (a lot longer than i expected) to be able to open up and share this, as it is a very tender place for me to go. i think i began hosting the series last spring to help me find my own brave mama voice. thank you all for shedding light on your own stories, so that i could embrace and share mine.

history repeating

i believe that certain things, important things, keep showing up in your life until you get them right. these are the things that materialize as struggle and resistance, but at the same time are so familiar like an old and nagging ache. they are familiar because you've had a go at them many times before, and you didn't make the progress that you needed to to move on. so once again, the issue presents itself with an uncomfortable urgency saying... "here's another chance!".

we all have these recurring themes. they are big chunks of emotional work that i think we are meant to accomplish in our lives, and without digging deep enough we fall short. falling short may not mean that your life is failing, but i think not addressing these issues seriously inhibits your ability to be authentically and deeply happy.

i think with any deep seeded emotional work, it's not ever easy or clear what the answers are or even what direction to go in to begin. i think there are twists and turns and a lot of ground to cover. it's scary and often difficult terrain.

i'm amidst some of these in my life right now, and it's not surprising to me that they have shown up at my door. i think in times when you are on the cusp of really growing and changing (for the better), it is also time for these things to resurface and demand your attention again. it reminds me of the super mario game my 6 year old is playing... you can't move on to the next level until you have successfully completed all challenges in the one you are on. it's as simple and as difficult as that.

i think with some of these we become so good at avoiding. we find ways to cope without really having to do the work, because the work is hard and threatening and pointing you in an unknown direction. i'm taking some time and space to really examine some of these as they sit here in front of me. i know it is work only i can do. while i can garner advice and support, it is only me who can ultimately make the change that is needed for me to move forward.

i'm strengthened by knowing i have the past to direct me, as i know what hasn't worked. i know i have the future in my favor as well, as there will always be another chance. this time though, i am thinking i want to get it right. it's exhausting to put energy into staying stuck simply because that is what is familiar.

i really want to get to the next level.

veggie tales {day 5}

yummy spring salad:

spring mix and baby spinach
1/2 apple, sliced thin
blue cheese crumbles
cashews
orzo
your favorite dressing

it's been a fairly easy transition to a meat free lifestyle. much easier than i thought it would be. to eat with intention has been an interesting shift. it feels different than to diet. less constrained and certainly more empowering. it has felt good to honor myself in this way, and i've actually enjoyed staying off the meat.

i've noticed some subtle shifts. i'm more sensitive to the coffee i drink. i can feel cravings for good things like water and spinach. i'm not focused on what i want to eat and only think about it when i am hungry. i can feel when i'm full and feel less desiring of comfort from eating and filling up with food. i'm feeling full from other things in my life :)

tomorrow i planned to start my cleanse, but i forgot i will be away at a food filled event most the day. so i have decided to not stress myselft about it, and wait one extra day to begin the next phase. i'll continue on my veggie way tomorrow, and plan for an even cleaner approach to nourishing myself come sunday.

so far, so good!

everywhere, signs of spring

hooray for spring-like days! the shifting, clear and yellow light, the opening of doors and windows, lots of chattering birds in the morning, gentle light in the evening, tiny buds on the trees filled with promises, afternoons at the park and a first time on the swing, hours spent turning over rocks in search of little crawly things, time to warm a mama's bones in the sun... it couldn't have come soon enough!

my personal faith :: notes from the past few days

you can not have...
~
fear without passion
~
darkness without light
~
sorrow without knowing joy
~
disappointment without fulfillment
~
need without desire
~
wanting without hope
~
pain without growth
~
challenges without vision
~
loss without having
~
death without life
~
life without love

dreaming of sunny skies, and veggie tales {day 1}

it's been raining nonstop here since friday. there are pots and buckets strategically place throughout my house to catch all the leaks that have sprung up. my son was completely soaked walking to the bus this morning so i ended up (drying his coat, clothes, and tears) and driving him to school. there was a health scare in the family this weekend, and a close family friend sadly passed away, so there are those dark clouds too. in addition, my email crashed and i lost all my correspondence from the past week, so i am still bailing out from that as well...

i am in desperate need of some sunshine!

i'd settle simply for a dry day. you know, the kind where i can sit on my couch and not get dripped on.

spring, where are you?

i've been feeling really weighted down and out of balance lately, in my body and in my soul. just heavy and yucky, nothing really serious as life has mostly been good and full. maybe too full. so inspired by my daring friend, i've decided to go veggie just for a while, til i feel a little clearer. maybe it will be the catalyst for the lightening that i'm craviing. i think clearing out is a great way to create space and is an open invitation for different and new energy to come in.

my plan is to go 16 days, til the end of march... the frst 5 days i'm going to simply focus on not eating meat and not worry too much about what it ia i am eating, like the two mini peanutbutter cups i just had - milk, eggs and fish will be fair game. though i will try to not go overboard with junky stuff, and i've promised myself to eat breakfast every morning. i'm a girl who loves and appreciates a great steak and would rather eat a perfect burger than a piece of cake, so this is huge for me!

the next 6 days i will pare down dramtically what i am eating to give my body a much needed rest and a little cleanse. i'll let you know my plan for this when the time comes.

the last 5 days i will slowly add foods back in. i'll pay attention to what i consume, focusing on the quality of my diet and really pay attention to how i feel with everything i eat. i'm hoping to try some new things too, a little puerh, some kale, and some new tofu recipes (got any good ones?).

i will keep you updated here with how it's going. this should help me with my resolve and accountability. i'll need every little bit i think :) wanna join me? it'll be an adventure for sure!

this wish filled life

i've been working like crazy to get ready for the launch of the new wishstudio website... i am so excited to become my own dot com, but it's been taking a huge amount of work and i am so grateful to have christine and brianna heading up this project for me. there have been photo shoots and tons of writing, branding to think about, and putting together all the big and small parts that will eventually make up the wishstudio world. it's super exciting and a little terrifying. definately exhausting as i have been eat, sleeping and dreaming wishstudio :)

so many connections and collaborations are being made behind the scenes, with amazing artists who will be bringing their workshops to the studio, their voices to the blog, and their stories and inspiration to the pages of our new virtual home.

there is so much to come and i am bursting to share it all with you!

it's almost time.

in the meantime, check out these phenominal, soul-filling projects (that have been all the buzz this week :) the always inspiring brene brown's week of worthiness and her brand new dvd. and also the i am enough collaborative with photog and mama extraordinaire, tracey clark.

balance and harmony

i'm looking to find the balance between all of these things... working and creating, parenting and playing, exercise and rest, passion and obsession, togetherness and alone time, desires and needs, screen time and real time, feeding and indulging, big brother and little brother, self care and family care, present and future, becoming and being, listening and speaking, learning and knowing... it's all a constant juggling act, and maybe it's more about harmony than balance; having all the areas in your life coexist happily together in whatever way works best for you. there is no perfect formula, and i have to remember this. i have to heed my own words and simply try my best.

how art saves in my life :: crescendoh

paper cloth by ihanna, one of my crescendoh shares

jenny doh has created an amazing creative community where many diverse artful voices share passionate narratives and so much inspiration. i'm so lucky to be a guest curator over at crescendoh this week. stop by and read my Art Saves story, and in addition each day i'll be sharing links to lots of fun creative things! while you're there, give a shout to jenny for being such a creative rock star, and check out all the other wonderful stories and links by all the other inspiring contributors. every day you'll find something fresh and new. i know i'll be visiting daily. enjoy!

on my nightstand

lots of yummy reads stacked by the bed these days... (in part thanks to the many fabulous authors in my orbit :) i love savoring the goodness in little bits, reading a little here and a little there. by 8pm i'm usually so exhausted, that's about all i can muster. i haven't been reading all that much fiction lately, though i am enjoying knit two as it's perfectly girly and light for a tired mom at bedtime. once i'm done with that i plan to dive into alice in wonderland as i have never actually read the original book and i am so excited to see the visual feast that the upcoming movie promises to be! i've also been perusing lots of magazines. i've always found so much inspiration in my favorites, and i love that i can cut them up and use them in projects when i'm done.

so here's what's in my stack...

alice in wonderland ~ the classic by lewis carroll
tranquilista ~ kimberly wilson's new lifestyle book
the seed handbook, the feminine way to create business ~ by lynne franks
knit two ~ the follow up to 'the friday night knitting club' by kate jacobs
what to expect the first year ~ by h. murkoff, s. hathaway, a. eisnberg
the explosive child ~ about collaborative problem solving by dr. ross greene
momma zen ~ a beautifully wise and heartful read by karen maezen miller
my journal, made for me by a creative friend
the artistic mother ~ shona cole's brand new inspiring book
boho magazine ~ the debut issue. can't wait for the next one to hit the stands
taking flight ~ by kelly rae roberts, social worker turned artist extraordinaire
artful blogging ~ with so many blogging friends on the pages along side me
where women create ~ spring 2010 issue

what are you reading?

realities and blessings

our neighbor's house surrounded by the sea

i was really inspired by this post by maegan, so i wanted to share my own "because things aren't always wonderful here but at the same time...they are." i couldn't have said it better myself and i love the notion of always finding that silver lining.

reality: there has been tons of clouds and rain here lately which means flooding as well as being forced indoors for more days than i can count by now. i think we are all getting a little stir crazy.

blessing: there's been movie watching, book reading, projects to work on, and loads of hot coffee and tea to drink.

reality: my trip to the market yesterday was hampered by an unexpected (and very long) traffic detour, and then my exhaust blowing out on the highway.
blessing: i got to meet up with one of my favorite moms who always fills me with inspiration and love, and not to mention the best handmade goodies.

reality: there have been frustrating days where i feel like just packing up my bags and abandoning motherhood. sometimes i just feel completely overwhelmed and in over my head.
blessing: i know that most days the drama of it all is just that, and i would never choose another life. ever. i see my children both becoming beautiful little people and i am so proud of them every single day.

reality: my work over in the wishstudio has been really, really busy. things are happening, growing and becoming... but it all takes a tremendous amount of time and energy which also requires a lot of juggling for everyone under this roof, which isn't always easy.
blessing: i can see the big picture now as it is emerging right before my eyes. this work is so fullfilling and joy-filled and i know it has the potential to sustain me (and my family some day). so many wonderful opportunities are being layed at my feet. having found work that is also my passion is huge.

reality: i'm getting older... i wouldn't say i'm old, but i definately see wrinkles and feel a little creek in my bones some mornings :) the superficial aspects of aging don't really worry me all that mich, but taking care of my health is a big concern.
blessings: with age comes wisdom and i'm starting to get a taste of that. i appreciate having lived these 38 years which have all brought me to this very moment. i feel an acceptance and a comfort about who i am that i did not have ten years ago. it feels cozy and safe and good.

reality: my husband and i have been passing like ships in the night lately. we are tag team parenting, taking shifts to get everything done and give one another a break when needed. it's not ideal but sometimes necessary, and i miss him.
blessing: sometimes it is a fine dance and other days it is just a force of circumstance, but i appreciate that we can be there for each other even if that means being seperate.

hope that your realities are full of blessings too... i know they are :)

my sun and moon

big brother is sucessfully halfway through the first grade. he is a wiz at math and is going on his very first field trip to a maple sugar farm later this week. his newest fascination is with percy jackson and greek mythology and sword fighting. his two best friends at school are both girls, one of which he plans to marry :) he is still one of the tallest and one of the youngest in his class. he's getting ready for another season of tball and another round of swim class. his foot is now a size and a half away from mine. he is on a new ed plan that allows him to use a timer, earn stickers and go for walks. he's loving garfield and pokemon and the misadventures of flapjack. he's got huge love in his heart, an unbelievable imagination, and an amazing adventurous spirit. he is fiery and passionate and constant, and always the finder of hidden gems. he is the sun of my universe.

little brother is just about to turn 8 months. he has found his toes and his voice! dadadada is his favorite word. he is reaching and grabbing and playing peek-a-boo. he always belly laughs at his big brother. he's feeding himself crackers and says "mmmm" when he eats. he still sucks his thumb which (for now) is so cute. he is teethimg and drooly and can sit up on his own for a bit. he is happy and determined and has his own way about things already. he is so sweet and open and curious, and very easily sated. he slows life down so we can stop and savor. he is the moon in my sky.

blown away

today the sun shone for about a half hour and i captured these shots of the recent storm's aftermath... the flooded tidal marsh, and two huge uprooted trees. we've had a couple of wild weather days, and just got back into our home today as our heat and electricity were finally restored. a huge storm blew through this area on thursday evening and wreaked havok with wind gusts tandem to a catagory 2 hurricane.

around 11pm thursday, i woke up to screaming winds and two exterior doors that were banging and smashing into one another in the front of our house. the whole house was shaking and the windows were rattling and bowing unnaturally. for a little while i was terrified, and wondering if we should take cover.

i have this crazy phobia of tornados. even though i have never seen one and live in an area where they are extremely unlikely to occur, the notion that there could be one scares the heck out of me. when i am stressed about something, i dream about tornados.

so in the moment our power went out (shortly after i awoke during the height of the storm), and the baby started crying after waking up to darkness and howling winds, i thought this is it -a tornado is coming! i knew it was an overreaction. phobias are completely irrational by definition. but i was scared. it was scary weather after all.

so in a flash, i thought about what to grab. i know you all have been posed this hypothetical question of what one thing would you save if your house caught on fire.... my first reaction was my computer, and than i realized how completely rediculous this was. then i thought about the hope chest and all the family photos that are stashed there, and then all the momentos and treasures of our past.

then in the next instant as i settled back into the reality that there, of course, would be no tornado the clarity of what i wanted most to save came to me in that second... nothing. there was nothing precious enough that i wanted to risk seconds of my family's safety to try to grab. i just wanted to be sure we were all safe. the kids, my husband, myself and the dog. maybe i would run and get the goldfish and my cell phone.

so as i sat in the candlelight rocking the baby back to sleep i thought about this. i guess i was a little surprised. ever since i can remember i have always been a collector of sentimentality, saving bits of this and pieces of that, things that seemed so important to hold on to forever. yes, most of it is precious and i would be heartbroken to lose those most prized posessions, but that was just it... they are all only things. and in that moment of choosing, the fact that all i wanted was my my family was very validating and freeing. i know what i could not live without.

much ado

well, i just finished booking a little family vacation. it will be the first one ever for all four of us... should be a fun adventure! plans to head to washington, dc in the spring to teach a workshop and meet up with some creative friends, and my son's sudden (and serious) passion for this movie inspired the idea to parlay this trip into a family getaway. so with a little flight rearranging, we will be visiting our great nation's capitol for mother's day this year! i am so very happy to be able to share my wishstudio adventures with my family.

we'll be visiting the smithsonian for sure, and will walk the mall and see all the great historic sights... my first time too! and in addition to all of that, i am hoping to get a glimps of the cherry blossoms. i know it might be a bit late, but a girl can dream :)

i'll be arriving a couple of days early to teach my class (all the scoop will be posted in the wishstudio on friday, if you're in the dc area and want to join me!), hang out at tranquil space, have some tea sipping time and couple of artist dates. it should really be a wonderful time!

look out DC... here we come!

enlightenment at whole foods

yesterday, the baby and i needed to just get out of the house. i had no pressing errands to get done, so i decided to venture to the nearest whole foods. having been forced indoors by winter for too long, i was really craving the fresh (almost outdoorsy) feel of that store. i had forgotten how delightful it is to spend an hour there wandering the isles and filling your cart with yummy goodness!

aside from getting lost, it was about a half an hour to make the trip. with my favorite podcast plugged in, the drive was quite nice... the sun was shining... the baby snoozed... all was good. the first thing i saw were these gorgeous hot pink gerber daisies. i had just bought 2 single stems for a photo shoot and it cost me $6. this beautiful bunch of ten(!) was just eight bucks.

as i perused all of the great products and filled my cart with more than just the "few things" i was going to pick up, i had a little epiphany... i need to shop here more. it's so worth the little extra time and money to come and enjoy the experience of grocery shopping (because it has to get done. every week :) while knowing i am feeding and nourishing my family with good stuff. and in the end, my grocery bill was almost exactly the same as it would have been had i gone to my regular old market! i was pleasantly shocked. this is some of what i got...

* a big bag of ground flax seed
* nut free granola (so hard to find!)
* lots of great baby foods, including these crackers that he muched throughout the store while shopping!
* a couple of new healthy teas
* organic apples
* my favorite soy pudding
* a bar of dark chocolate with crystalized ginger wrapped in a love letter (i adore this brand!)
* green laundry detergent
* rice crispy, ice cream treats
* the healthy version of this cereal (he won't even notice!)
* ready made cold buckwheat soba noodles for hubby's lunch
* sqeezy fruit in a pouch, great for the lunch box

i've added the whole foods market website to my favorites page, and will plan my meals and shopping list according to whats on sale. plus, the prices there have really come down. i think i can make it work! can't wait to head back there next week :) it's so nice to not have to dread the grocery shopping.

wild winter vacation adventure

at the tubing park...

{snowy day}

{riding to the top}

{zoomin' down the slopes}

{such a blast!}

this blog

a sailors valentine, made by my son

i began writing here at under a pink sky after my first son was born, in 2004 (the first 2 and a half years were regrettably deleted, which is a long story for another post someday). the blog world was just emerging on to the scene, and i came to this space to find creative inpiration and connection and to give my own thoughts a voice. though i wasn't really thinking about it then, i did have an inkling that this medium was a really powerful tool. it was a way to create, to share, to search, and to find. i did all of those things and to my amazement it has changed the landscape of my life.

as a new mom and a creative type i loved wandering around the blogsphere. it led me to so many amazing women, and i immediately made some wonderful kindred connections. i shared my own journey wholeheartedly, colorfully, and passionately. back in those days, i wrote on these pages very day. it was the way i began to stretch my wings and really listen to myself.

i've always kept a journal or diary, even when i was young. i have stacks of word-filled books from all different stages of my life. it was always natural for me to narrate my days and record my feelings. i did so with a need and desire to simply express what was filling my head and heart. many of these books are filled with really heavy thoughts...my writing has always been kind of weighty. it helped me to unload.

what i loved (and still do) about writing on a blog is that it really helps me to focus the beauty of my days. it pushes me to see the simple things that bring joy into my life. sometimes these might seem small and insignificant, but i have learned over time that these are the things that fill a life, like beads on a long strand.

i've always struggled with how much to share on my blog. i think this question is one that many of us bump into now and again, and i recently had a pretty pivitol conversation with someone about this very topic. for me, i have always been the type to wear my heart on my sleeve and to not share the struggles alongside the beauty never felt quite right. in those early years of writing here, my family never read my blog so it was a safe container for me to explore and share. i liked having that kind of anonymity in the beginning (even though the whole world could read what i wrote), but essentially i was writing to strangers so it felt very freeing.

now, having met so many of these women and can even call some them friends i write to a different audience. my family is now reading along too and that changes how this space feels as well. under a pink sky is like an old friend... it's where everything began. it feels comfortable and cozy here, and yet it is still evolving. i'm wondering what the next phase will be.

i am considering removing the comments from this blog, not because i don't like to hear from all of you (i really do, very much actually). while the feedback can be so uplifting and validating and fun, i also wonder what it would feel like to simply put my thoughts and feelings out to the universe unteathered and free. in a way, the possiblity of comments pulls your thoughts in a specific direction when sharing. it's not quite like writing simply for yourself. so i'm just wondering if this would open up some space.

with all the wonderful connecting i do over in the wishstudio, i'm wondering if this space should just be for sharing. these days, i think that there is a real frenzy around connecting and getting immediate feedback, which in some respects it is completely amazing and technologically fascinating. though it also feels a bit... i'm not really sure what, overconnected (?). it is why i have not taken the leap to join twitter and facebook and other social media outlets. some might say this is not hip or savvy, but i really am thinking a lot about what i want my (online) presence in this world to be. do people really want a play by play of everything i do? i somehow really doubt it.

so these are the thoughts swimming around in my head today. i completely see the irony of this, but i'm asking you, what do you think?

celebrating 38

* a special homemade heart cupcake for breakfast * cards, gifties and a brand new netbook to play with * grocery shopping, errands and getting ready * happy birthday messeges on my phone and in my in-box * a family visitor arriving from the airport * some mario cart races on the wii * a big sushi dinner complete with party poppers, pink balloons, and a princess hat for moi * sparkle candles atop a nut free chocolate cake (yum!) * a tired and happy family +1 off to bed early * a full nights worth of sleep to top it all off * loads of gratitude * a simply perfect day, really *

L.O.V.E.

i love valentine's day. everything is covered in pink and red. hearts are everwhere you look and the day is filled with sweet sentiments and treats, and lots of l.o.v.e. to me, it's pure bliss. who doesn't love Love?

we woke up this morning to the bright winter sun, homemade valentines and goodies, and a yummy breakfast brought home from our local beachside diner up the street. we got our favorite chocolate (of course), wooden stacking rings for the baby, and bakugan for big brother. we got tickets to the tubing park (get ready pappou!), a sweet little gift (don't peek alex! it will be here soon...) i simply fell in love with, and a special cd made just for me...

god only knows...the beach boys
two doves...dirty projectors
staralfur...siguros
lay, lady, lay...bob dylan
vcr...xx
wonderwall...oasis
within your reach...replacements
all i want is you...glen campbell
the crane wife 3...decemberists
thing called love...johnny cash
sugar pie, honey bunch...temptations
lovers in a dangerous time...bruce cockburn
my girls...animal collective
hounds of love...kate bush
this tornado loves you...neko case
grow old along with me...john lennon

he has always filled my life with music, since the very beginning... that's just his way of capturing a feeling or sharing a moment or a special occasion, and i love that.

the boys are off to nana and grandpa's to get loved on all day, and we will be cleaning house (not so romantic, but oh so necessary!) and then rewarding ourselves with a little valentines dinner out, just for two.

hope you all have a beautiful and love-filled day!

xoxo

stormy weather

home early :: waiting for the bus today

it's a snow day today. my son is home early from school and my husband's school got cancelled completely, so we are all home cozied up for the afternoon.

it has turned out to be just a cold, gloppy rain, though i do see a few flakes starting to swirl outside my studio window as i write this. we'll see. they love to spin the drama of a crazy nor'easter around these parts!

i was able to run out early and get some errands done... pick up the baby's birth cretificate (finally), mail our valentines, drop off some paperwork to my son's principal. it feels good to get a bunch of things checked off my list today. now i'm ready to embrace a few lazy hours of making chocolate chip cookies, watching a movie, playing games, and snuggling on the couch. i love the couch.

the storms blow in and out of here, the wet and windy variety as well as the emotional ones. living on the coast you never know what kind of weather you might get. kind of like life; some days are simply glorious while others are really icky.

i'm aiming to always remember to find the glory. some days you just have to look a little harder.

**thank you all for your supportive words and your heartfelt emails. i appreciate every morsel of mama to mama goodness... i'd be lost without all of you!

equal but opposite force

newtons 3rd law :: for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction

right now, i am struggling. i'm struggling with this little person in my life who i love so much it aches. i'm not really sure why. i think there are a lot of reasons why. i am trying to sort it out and find a better way, but it is hard. i admit i'm having a really hard time.

with all the joy he brings into my life, there are also lots of challenges. as his mom i know it is my job to to help work through these challenges, but lately i just feel a little helpless. i am pushing and pushing against him which is not helping at all. he just pushes back. equal but opposite.

part of it is i am pushing to gain control, and it's not even about control. by dinnertime we are all tired and unravelling and it is hard to gather myself to think like a warrior mama, to show up for him and be his advocate. all i want is to just sit down and eat a calm dinner after a long day. that's what you are supposed to do right?... cook a meal, sit around the table, share, talk, keeps kids off drugs, boosts thier self esteem, helps foster family relations. not in this house. this is never how it is because he is moving and spinning and loud and disruptive. every night. and he just can't help it. and i yell anyway. and inside i just want to cry.

part of it is i just get so frustrated. isn't that awful? i am his mother after all. it's not about me. but here i am feeling a little resentful about this job i signed myself up for.

part of it is we are so much alike. he is my mirror in so many ways... in some really beautiful and joyful ways, but also in some really profoundly difficult ways. so there's that.

part of it is that my motherhood is a place that i really need to stretch myself and to keep on learning. it feels like treking through uncharted jungle i imagine, with both beauty and danger around every turn, not ever knowing which you will encounter. having a child with adhd is often exhausting and sometimes even painful (which i didn't ever really see coming).

this post isn't to say 'poor me', nor is it a call for sympathy (though any advice would be lovely!). it's just a place for me to dump my thoughts and say some things out loud helping me to process it all. it's part of the baby steps on this long journey.

i wouldn't trade my motherhood for anything in the whole world... how he still wants to hold my hand, how he loves to spend time making things with me, how he makes me laugh in so many unexpected ways because he's funny and smart and so sweet. i do know this much ~ love is simply love no matter how complicated. and i know i will find my way.

i think i will start by letting go of dinnertime. that seems like a good place to make a change. we'll be eating buffet style from now on. i'll let you know how it goes.

thoughts from the mall

to escape the same four walls at home, i went to the mall the other day (inspired by a conversation with the lovely miss viv). i hadn't realized how long it's been since i've done that. i also realized that i need new clothes. badly. i miss shopping just for fun, as i tend to only run to the store out of necessity and it's usually to buy the kids something. the extent of my wardrobe embellishment has been a new pair of gray yoga pants, which is what i live in.

i was really inspired by all the juicy colors and the fun and layered looks that are really 'in' right now (especially with the latest jewelery styles), and i really loved looking at all the great merchandising. there once was a time when i kept up with all of this. those were the days. i was tempted to buy a new pair of dark pink cowgirl boots, but figured that wasn't really going to help my lack of clothing. i'll have to go back soon (sans baby) and pick out a few new things.

while sitting in the store feeding the baby a bottle, i watched a woman shopping who was also pushing a stroller. a hot pink doggie stroller with requisite yappy pooch in tow. while my initial reaction was "really!?" i was surprised to find that i really admired her moxie. dressed in a tiny mini skirt, high heels and legwarmers, and pushing her accessorized dog through macy's i thought to myself, you go! i know lots of people were turning their heads and staring unabashedly, and judging her (as i initially did), but a little voice inside of me wanted to pipe up in her defence and say, "hey no snickering. i think she's fabulous!". that kind of confidance and take-me-as-i-am self assurance is truly admirable, even in poor taste. but who am i to say... some days i wear spitup and a ponytail and call that an ensamble.

yes, it's time for me to shop and buy a few brave and pretty things!